As a normal run of the mill shy introvert, I hate drawing
attention to myself and as you can see by the photo I was unable to avoid
it after I had a suspected
heart attack.
I’m fairly healthy and hadn’t seen a doctor in almost 10
years but when I had severe chest pains one morning, I knew it was time I did. However
I hadn’t anticipated how quickly things would escalate and I had no control
over any of it. From a simple visit to the doctor to explain what had happened
to spending 4 hours in Emergency hooked up to all sorts of machines that went ping
and looking like the Emperor Dalek from Dr Who, it seemed I had the full
attention of the medical profession and after I made a innocuous post on
Facebook, it seemed I had the full attention all my 500 FB friends as well. To
quote my sister in law ‘your facebook post went into meltdown’.
Now for a shy introvert, it was hard to hide anywhere.
So I went with it.
I was showered with blood tests, X-Rays, prodding, probing
and gentle interrogation and secretly I was enjoying it. I sat back and let
them have their way me, I was actually enjoying the attention.
Thankfully all the tests came back negative, the X-ray
revealed that I did have a perfect heart and 2 good lungs and Facebook showed
that there was a lot of love and concern for me.
In any other situation I would have been embarrassed that I clogged
up the medical system because there were many people worse off than me, I would
have felt bad for making the nursing staff go out of their way and pulled my
post off facebook because I would be scared of what people would think.
But on that morning when I had the chest pain, for the first
time in my life I put fear and shyness aside and took myself seriously and
the rest of the world took me seriously too.
I don’t want to be frightened of the world and hide behind the
so called attributes of meek and mild.
Humility and gratitude are different
things all together and they are assets to have, but to be frightened of
sharing your voice with others, to be scared to stand before the world in love
and share what you have, then I no longer want that fear.
Introversion is my ally as I draw my energy from quiet times, nature and inner reflection, but shyness only crushes my connection to the world and finding my place in it.
Don't let your shyness tie you to the river's edge when it's perfectly safe to jump in.
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